As I drift through my everyday actions I mostly feel fine. I've tried to separate myself from the feelings of loneliness which inevitably lead to want. I mask the deep desire to reach out to you, to any of you, in the middle of the day. I can make something beautiful on my own. As much as I continue to get through the day somewhat composed, there is still this subtle pounding in my throat that cuts down to my stomach and bursts up to my eyes and makes me want someone. I start to wonder if I'm getting through the day by means of my own strength, or Monday's 1am hook up text, love the one I never hear from. I really hope I'm slowly helping myself shed some of this obsessive behaviour when it comes to these guys, but I'm afraid I'm just putting it off; stalling it. The new ones, the guinea pigs for this new self experiment, keep reappearing in my dreams, more frequently than usual. These dreams (just a continuation of my subconscious throughout the day) are making it hard to get out of bed.